Family

So, my mom wants me to tag along to a baby shower tomorrow for one of my cousins....and I don't want to go. This is a problem that I encounter often in my life, and I'm conflicted when it comes to which "school of thought" I should adopt. First of all, it's my cousin. I should be excited that she's having a baby right? So, I should just go. There's the first "school". It's my cousin, we have the same blood running through our veins. BUT.....here comes the second "school". I don't know her. We didn't grow up together. We live an hour away and the last time that we were on the same level and truly spent time together, I was seven years old. So part of me wants to know why I should take hours out of my day to attend a shower where I won't know anyone, just to make her (or my mom) happy. When she won't even notice that I'm there. What's the point? It also brings up the feelings that I've had since I was a little girl, the feelings that have festered inside of me especially since I started dating my current boyfriend. The women in his family are extremely close, and I realize that I don't have that. And I never will. So, I have to take what I can get. It makes me kind of sad, but I think I should be looking on the brighter side of life and realizing what I do have instead of what I don't.

The evil of it all....

So, I'm headed to Wal-Mart to do a little grocery shopping. I like to go at night because I feel like it's not as crowded as it is during the daytime. And I'm thinking about how going to this place just ruins my day. Lately, I've felt more strongly about my next statement than ever......I HATE WAL-MART. And it's not just because EVERYONE shops there. It's mostly because the shelves are always empty and you can't ever find anyone to help you if you need assistance. Their customer service, or lack thereof, has left me speechless on many occasions. I also believe that as an average American, who lives on a budget, I have no choice but to shop there for certain items. And feeling like I'm backed into a corner when it comes to finding low prices on grocery and household items often outrages me. I also believe that Wal-Mart was not originally this horrible. And because of their position in various markets, they are able to be the price leader when it comes to a lot of items, so they don't really have to care about store cleanliness, customer service, etc. anymore. I know that I am not alone in my hatred, and if I had the time, I think I would love to set up a website for people that share my opinion on this place. I wish Costco would make an appearance in this town and wipe them off the map. At least there, you get what you pay for and you know the game walking into it.

Waiting.....

I feel like I'm always waiting. When I was in middle school, I was waiting to get to high school. In high school, I couldn't wait to get out to go to college. The first few jobs I held, it was always on my mind that they weren't forever, just until I found something better. Now that I'm in college, and in my last semester, I can't wait to graduate and get into my full-time job. I'm waiting to be married, I'm waiting to start a family, I'm waiting to start my career.

I guess what I'm always waiting for is something bigger, or something better. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I spend most of my time planning and preparing for the future instead of living in the present and enjoying what I have right now. So, my newest challenge to myself is this: Find the joy in everyday life. Appreciate everything I have right now. Enjoy the place that I'm at in my life now, because I won't be here again. And the rest should take care of itself.

It's easier said than done, but I'm working on it. With a schedule FULL of school and work, it's so easy to lose yourself to your schedule. The old cliche "take time to stop and smell the roses" comes to mind. My hope is that by the time I graduate, I may feel more settled and at peace. And that I may finally be able to smell those roses.